The topic of plus-sized nursing bras comes up every once in a while and I can’t seem to avoid the temptation to get a little ranty about it every time it happens… it’s happened twice in the last week or so on Facebook and I thought my reply to my friend this evening might be amusing to others, so I’m posting it somewhere more easily sharable.
I am a very busty gal. Measured in my last trimester of pregnancy, I wear a 40H or so. One nursing bra I have, by Goddess Bras (which I find totally non-functional as an actual nursing bra to wear, as the uni-flap cuts across the “unused” breast uncomfortably when I try to drop one side for nursing and the part between my cleavage comes up so high that it’s visible under any shirt with a lower neckline than a t-shirt, plus the straps cut into my shoulders) is a 40K. I fill the left cup, a little less than full on the right (yup, they’re different sizes). I tried the bra on the other day to verify it still fits since I got it fairly early postpartum this time around and the baby is now 8 months old.
I have never found a nursing bra that really fits me and offers decent support AND functions well as a nursing bra (i.e. can open AND close one-handed… pointless to be able to open it one-handed if I can’t put my darn boob back in without waking the baby by setting him down so I can get my 2nd hand free)… entirely a design problem and lack of comprehension of exactly how effing floppy a large breast that was moments before filled with milk can be… idiot designers don’t put the internal support in between the boobs so not only is the hook a problem but getting the actual breast back IN the cup is problematic. I have dark fantasies of finding a nursing bra designer, shackling them to a chair for a few hours, and carefully explaining exactly what large breasted women need in a daily wear nursing bra. These include:
- Inverted-U inner cup to keep breast in the same zip code the bra is in when I drop the flap to feed the baby
- Clips that can be REhooked one handed… I don’t need a Bond, James Bond squeeze-trigger release clasp (they’re prone to breaking into little swallowable pieces anyway, thanksSOmuch), just the standard sturdy ones that come on the mainstream nursing bras at Target will do just fine. Wanna make me REALLY happy? Fabricate them out of metal instead of plastic.
- Fabric shoulder straps, more than 1″ wide, not just effing elastic digging into my clavicle while simultaneously decreasing the resistance to gravity. H-cup lactating boobs that bounce trampoline-esque when I rise from a chair much less try to walk across a room tend to make one a bit tetchy, you see. Gel padding optional but definite brownie points that reduce likelihood of finger marks on designer’s necks…
NO seams across the nipples, thanks again for playing. Those itch enough to make one question the sanity of wearing a bra instead of just typing up a t-shirt and being thankful the jolly girls are off the belly button.
Use as high a percentage of natural fibers as possible, polyester doesn’t help matters in an area we’re trying to let air dry to prevent infection. While you’re at it, some of those nice little mesh pockets to stick nursing pads in would be lovely as the adhesive on the disposable ones NEVER stays stuck to the flap when dropped and trying to find my reusable cotton ones while managing a baby and a boob that weighs nearly as much as the baby (and is significantly larger than the baby’s head) winds up being a non-priority and probably highly confusing to people who find my little nursing pad “bread crumbs” after I’ve wandered off. I am not playing Hansel & Grettle with the breast pads, folks… sorry for the little fabric circles I leave around like weird trail markers.
If you pad the cups, I swear I will force-feed them to you.
Underwire… be careful there. While pre-baby there was nothing I loved better for my silhouette than a good underwire bra, they can be problematic for active milk ducts. Use some ingenuity and try to figure out a way to support without them if you can. If you DO decide to go with the underwires, find some way to keep them from poking the front part of my armpit or I’ll use them to poke your eyes out.
Oh, and I expect all this for under the average monthly mortgage payment, if you don’t mind terribly. I don’t need any lace on it, but color options other than white would be nice – even just black and beige would do, so I can wear a bra that doesn’t shine through under a dark top.
If you can also make the thing comfortable enough to sleep in, I will nominate you for the Nobel Peace Prize.
